Going Gray, but Anne Kreamer touts that we will get a picture of what the author "learned about beauty, sex, motherhood, authenticity, and everything else that really matters". I was hopeful. This sounded like a great boost to my slumping gray morale.
I found the book to be a bit thin, and to have very little to do with any of the promised insights scrawled across the cover, but it was overall a quick and enjoyable read. She did uncover some pretty interesting findings in her research, but I cringe a bit at the fact that Ms. Kreamer resorts to deception and misleading set-ups to attain these nuggets of useful intel.
For example, she is happily married, but sets up several different Match.com profiles with photoshopped pics of her sporting either brown or gray hair to guage men's reaction. She also goes to bars to try to flirt. She meets with image consultants under made-up pretenses. No harm done, I guess, but how does a quest for authenticity engage so much sleight of hand? I do appreciate that she directly acknowledges this ridiculousness in the book, but still. It rubbed me the wrong way.
Anne Kreamer decided to let her hair go gray as she approached her 50th birthday. It wasn't a decision for her health or the planet, but one of vanity, actually. She saw a picture of herself with her dyed-brown hair and realized that she wasn't fooling anyone. Her hair didn't look natural, and it didn't even look...well, good. But she was hair-dye dependent like SO many of us, and didn't think she could really go gray, so before and during her graying process, she did some research. She wanted to get an idea of how this seemingly small decision would impact her personal and professional life, and hear the stories of others who have made the choice to rock the white and gray.
She's almost two decades older than I am now when she starts her transformation, and I can feel that in almost every page of her writing. I really think that if I were going gray at even 40, I would be much calmer about it. We all want to look and feel young, and gray hair is a scarily obvious marker of age. Believe me. I am feeling this already.
So gray = old, but so what? Are gray haired women in their 30s and 40s and above doomed to choose between their emotional, social, and sexual well-being and dye dependance?
Well, Kreamer discovered that gray hair does not appear to be the man-repellent she (and I) believed it to be. Her bogus Match.com profiles in different states at different times of the year reveal that her gray-haired profile got more "winks" and invitations than her brown-haired profile. Every time. In every state. She also startled herself (and I suspect at least some of her readers) to learn that gray hair is a bigger hurtle for women on the job market than the meat market. Women with gray hair are perceived as out of touch, less capable, and less energetic. Of course, silver haired men are still viewed as professional, experienced, and trustworthy, although more and more men are coloring their hair these days to gain or keep a professional edge.
Her book explored the history of hair dye in the US, including the marketing, trends, and Hollywood influences, and that part was pretty entertaining. She also noted that an estimated one in five men in America are now coloring their hair, so it's not just the blonde bombshells and the gray-hiding women folk who are getting hooked on the bottle.
I enjoyed her exploration of women's reasons for and commitment to coloring their hair. Many MANY of the women she interviewed swore that they would never under any circumstances stop dyeing their hair. I can relate. I used to be one of those women. I remember telling friends that one of the many reasons I was reluctant to have children is because I could not bear to forgo hair dye for 9 whole months. I would rather just have dogs.
But in the end, she concludes that she looks and feels better with a shiny mane of gray and white than she did with the unnatural and severe-looking dark dyed hair. (I totally agree - I have seen her before and after pictures and there is no contest). And lucky for her, she is married to the man of her dreams and freelances for a living, so no mate-hunting or fickle, double-standard job interviews are on her horizon. Oh, and she's 50-something, so the gray is well suited for her authentic self.
Hair color may not seem to you to be a topic of deep thoughts or philosophical musing, but it may be if you are ever staring down the crown of a prematurely old-looking reflection in the mirror. Age, beauty, death, being real with yourself, accepting yourself AND others, judgemental tendencies... I could go on and on. Then add on layers of health preservation and creation care, and it makes for quite a loaded topic for the 50% (at least) of American women whose natural hair color has not seen the light of day in years. So I appreciate that there are books like this out there. It was just hard for me to relate to this particular book and the author's approach. Maybe I've stumbled upon an untapped book market - graying gracefully for the under-40 set!
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