Detox Day 5: Why It's So Hard to Eat Clean

Day 5 with no sugar, caffeine, grains, alcohol, animal products, or processed food*

It hasn't really been as hard as I thought it would be, once I got over the hump**

I actually do feel awesome***


* Truth: I did break down and buy some packaged all-natural guacamole and some natural sweet potato chips. And I used some pre-cooked lentils in a package from Trader Joe's. Sure, I could have made those things, but...

** ...it is really really REALLY HARD to cook every single thing you eat. To chop, prepare, cook, and clean up for everything that you consume. The restrictions haven't been as hard for me as the cooking has been. I needed some crunch. It turns out that pretty much everything in the menu plan for the first week is roughly the texture of baby food, especially in the leftovers format that I thought would help me out by preparing big batches and saving it for a future lunch or dinner. All that tasty-but-mushy food put me over the edge. I bought the sweet potato chips, and the guac to go with them. No regrets.

***I really do feel awesome, overall, if you don't count the fact that I am hungry all day, and my stomach growls a bit at night. This is primarily due to the fact that I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANY MORE THINGS TO EAT. Being a little hungry is good for me. It's a pretty rare occurrence. I feel a little hungry, and a whole lot of Better. Better sleep, better skin, better joints. I feel lighter and less tense than I have in a very long time. I've slept soundly the last 2 nights in a row, which is pretty rare for me. I think I've also been more productive at work. An unexpected side benefit.

Aside from the cooking, cleaning, and mild pangs of hunger, the only real downside I can see to eating this way long term is that it is an awkward pain in the neck if you ever like to eat with people other than yourself. I've been invited out to eat or drink a couple of times this week, and both times I've had to meander around this pretentious-sounding "I'm doing a detox" crap. And today I'm taking my office team out for fancy cupcakes to celebrate our fantastic intern's last day, and I'll be sipping a lemon water while the ladies relish their pillowy clouds of chocolate and magic. So that sucks.

The randomest lunch ever, while my co-workers enjoy a free buffet at an event.

Once this whole detox deal has wrapped, my task is to find a way to have more balance and more discipline (and more cupcakes) within a (mostly) clean shopping list. Health is crucial, but food can be a communal, celebratory key to a joyful life. Especially when there is room for the occasional latte or frosting-topped confection.

Let Food Be Thy Medicine...

...and medicine be thy food.

Ever since my Big Wakeup Call last winter, I have become much more aware of how the food I eat impacts everything about my health and body. Not just obvious stuff like weight and digestion. I mean everything -  sleep, skin, hair, energy, flexibility, mood, and even my habits and emotional health (do you hear me, Stress Eating? We are donezo.).

So when I sat at my desk last week guiltily wolfing down TWO slices of cold pizza and a cookie, I knew that I would regret it. Over the long haul I'd regret not being able to fit into my pants if I ate like that every day, but in the short term, I knew that all that gluten and sugar and dairy and processed non-food would result in pimples, puffiness, discomfort, creaking joints, and jittery, restless sleep. And later that night when I examined the newly materialized breakout on my chin, I decided that it was time.

Time for The Detox.

When my food sensitivities were first diagnosed, I went on a strict two week elimination diet. It was tough, but I did it, and I felt better than I had in years. I'm taking a different approach this time.

This time, I'm turning to the Very Last Issue of Whole Living Magazine ever to be published* for a 3 week whole foods detoxifying meal plan. The idea is to focus on healing, whole, anti-inflammatory foods to recalibrate your system. No caffeine, alcohol, dairy, grains, meat, or processed food of any kind the first week, and gradually loosening up in weeks 2 and 3.

Week One - Purify.
I'm on my second day of Week One. It's the strictest of the 3 weeks of Detox, so I can really only have fruits, vegetables, and seeds. Ideally, you don't even want to eat nuts or soy, because they can be difficult to digest, but I've had almond butter every day and a splash of soy milk in my caffeine-free herbal tea.

Breakfast for the week:

Berries, banana, flax seed smoothie

Apple with almond butter

Not a terribly filling breakfast, but a lot more fruit than I usually consume before noon. The almond butter helps me feel full-ish. The menu plan gave lots of other fruit-based breakfast options, but this is the one that works best for me and my squishy-fruit aversion.

Lunch/Dinner

I had yesterday off, so I cooked up two of the recipes to eat for the first couple of days' worth of lunches and dinners.

The makings of a surprisingly tasty lunch.

I had seen recipes for "cauliflower fried "rice"" on Pinterest, but was veeerrrrry skeptical. Cooked cauliflower is near the bottom of my preferred veggie list. Raw cauliflower = crunchy treat. Cooked cauliflower = mushy, stinky small brains.

But here's the deal. Since it is a grain-free week, you can't add rice to your stir fry. They cleverly have you pulse cauliflower in a food processor to make it LOOK like rice. And, honestly, once it was cooked up I really couldn't tell it was cauliflower. Genius.

Cauliflower 'rice'

Cooked up the veggies and cauliflower in coconut oil, red pepper, and some spices for an asian-y tint to the flavor. It was pretty AND tasty.

The next recipe I tried was almost scrapped from my list. Marinated Portobello Mushrooms and Kale. Marinade? Love it. Thick, meaty mushrooms? Love. Kale? Ugh. Why did it have to be Kale? I know it is a wonder food full of all kinds of nutrients and stuff. I just hate it. HATE it. But, for the sake of discipline, I went for it.

Not the best picture. Must only cook/photograph food in the day time for natural light!

And thanks to timing error on my part, the kale got actually a bit crispy-fried and crunchy! Hooray! Accidental kale chips over a very tasty bed of sliced 'shrooms. A stunned Thumbs Up for this recipe too.

When I got to work this morning, I warned my team that I am going to be hungry, uncaffeinated, and probably cranky until I get over the hump. So far, though, I feel pretty good. It helps a LOT to have recipes and a plan, rather than just a list of things you're not going to eat. I can almost hear my joints rejoicing. It really isn't any fun to go through life chronically inflamed.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. not having chronic pain/stiffness/zits/digestive problems/poor sleep.

Now if I can just convince myself of that after the end of the 3rd week!

*Can we just pause to shed a tearful goodbye to my all time favorite magazine? My insider friend, Jeana, told me that Ms. Martha Stewart had decided that her brand lacked focus, so they dropped Whole Living and Everyday Food. SO. Sad.